Thursday, October 29, 2015

New Website, New Trail!

If you've been checking this website to find out about the week's trail, it's time to change your bookmarks. Lady Daze has whipped up a new site for us at BoulderH3.com. The new website also has information on the Halloween trail he's setting, Tricks, Treats, and Sexy Man Meats.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Boulder Hash #752 - Saturday 10/24

Hello Everyone-
Closest Dick'll Do has found a substitute close dick to be her co-hare. :)

Who: Closest Dick'll Do and Just Grant
What: Just Hash
Hash Cash: 5$
Where: Ebin G. Fine Park, BoCo
D'erections: Do you really need these?! Its a popular place; you've been here before.
Walkers/bikers: Get on the Boulder Creek Path. Head towards mountains. Stop when you see a shelter and a bathroom. I made sure to start beside a playground, for Amber.
Cars: Get on Arapahoe. Head towards mountains. Park. Walk towards shelter and bathroom.
When: Saturday 10/24
Time: 3PM. Attempting to avoid the cold darkness.
Furthur info: Pre-lube at the park. A to A. Bring circle warmth for when the cold darkness inevitably cums. Also bring: cranium lamps, solemn odes to Bear 317 (or was it 369?!), virgins, Beano, Beano's DAD, raccoon defense gear, anything you find both funny and useless. Itches from Bitches and dogs are welcome.
On after at Pearl/downtown.


On On!
Closest Dick'll Do and Just Grant
CDD: 720-323-4760

Friday, October 16, 2015

Mutha Ducker's Hashgiving 2015!

WHAT: Hash Thanksgiving 2015 – Feast, football, trail etc. Giant TV for football. Big semi-pro kitchen for the cooks, come early & cook! We’ll have two turkeys and some other stuff but sides and dessert are potluck. Please coordinate with the hare if possible. Bring dogs & kids! Plenty of crash space so no worries about driving home. Breakfast in the morning for those who stay over. PLEASE RSVP… if possible… nobody ever does…

WHEN: Thanksgiving Day - Thursday, 26 November. We’ll start cooking & drinking about 9:00 AMso come early, drop a shot of rum in your coffee & cook or just hang-out. Dinner at 2:00 PM followed by a shiggylicious hike on Green Mountain for those who want to walk-off dinner. We’ll go ‘til late so come as late as you want.

WHERE: Mutha Ducker’s place: 13421 West Ohio DRIVE, Lakewood, 80228. Note that the DRIVE in the address is REALLY IMPORTANT.

BRING: Side dishes, desserts, snacks, other stuff… more is better. There’ll be plenty of cheap beer & soft drinks but if you want wine or fancy beer then bring it. Bring hiking boots for the post-prandial ramble.

HARE: Mutha Ducker. Questions? Call yo Mutha on one of his mobiles: 303-845-2125 or 832-766-3458 or email AL@NaturalFractures.com.

DOGS: YES! Ultra dog-friendly, as always. Fenced back yard, dogs allowed in house, dogs allowed on furniture, leg-humping OK…

KIDS: YES! Bring your larvae of all ages! There will be a quiet place for little ones to nap.

FROM DENVER: Take US 6/ 6th Ave west to the Union Blvd/Simms St. Exit and turn left onto Union. Go 1 mile and turn right onto W Alameda Pkwy. Go 0.9 miles and turn right onto W Ohio AVENUE. Go 0.5 miles and turn left onto Beech. Make an immediate right onto W Ohio DRIVE – the turn is only 250 ft after you turn onto Beech. It’s the first house on the right, not the house on the corner.

FROM BOULDER: Take 93 S to Golden where you’ll merge onto US 6 E/6th Ave. Go 6.4 miles on 6 to the Union Blvd/ Simms St. exit. Turn right onto Union. Go 1 mile and turn right onto W Alameda Pkwy. Go 0.9 miles and turn right onto W Ohio AVENUE. Go 0.5 miles and turn left onto Beech. Make an immediate right onto W Ohio DRIVE – the turn is only 250 ft after you turn onto Beech. It’s the first house on the right, not the house on the corner.

FROM FT. COLLINS OR COLORADO SPRINGS: Take I-25 towards Denver to US 6/6th Avenue west. Take 6 west to the Union Blvd/Simms St. Exit and turn left onto Union. Go 1 mile and turn right onto W Alameda Pkwy. Go 0.9 miles and turn right onto W Ohio AVENUE. Go 0.5 miles and turn left onto Beech. Make an immediate right onto W Ohio DRIVE – the turn is only 250 ft after you turn onto Beech. It’s the first house on the right, not the house on the corner.

Tuesday, October 06, 2015

[BH3] Boulder Hash #751 - Fart Collins Invasion Pre-Lube

Greetings intrepid wankers! This Saturday some half-mind promised our sexy neighbors to the north that the Boulder Kennel would stage an invasion of their Alice in Wonderland Hash!


But wait! The Hash gods have smiled upon us and that's not until 5:00. Which leaves plenty of time for a Pre-Lube trail of our own here in the People's Republic!! You don't even have to be going to Fart Collins to join us (but you will miss out on half-nekkid Caterpillars and March Hares)



What: A short Alice in Wonderland pre-lube hash

Where: Gregory Canyon Trail-cranium

When: Saturday 10/10 @ High Noon

Hare: Amber Alert

Hash Cash: $3 - Free for anyone taking Fort Collins DD duties!

Bring: A desire for something short and hard, virgins, conversation topics not about Beano's mom, lube to prepare us for the rabbit hole, virgins, hobos, missing Folsom bike lanes, and maybe a tween for Amber.

PARKING NOTE: Gregory canyon doesn't have a ton of parking, so it may be full. If so, turn around and park along the South side of Baseline where it becomes legal. Enjoy a short and furious (like sex with Lady Dayz) stroll to the trailhead.

OnOn!
-Amber Alert

Friday, October 02, 2015

[BH3] BH3 #750: Pickup Hash

What: It's been a while since we've had a Pickup Hash, so lets throw one in on an off week. Just Jon and Weird Ball will bring the flour and beer, and we'll all make trail up as we go along.

When: Sunday, October 4th, 4 pm.

Where: The office park at the east end of Walnut

Hares: All of us.

Bring: $5, willingness to hare for whole minutes at a time, ID for possible guerrilla brewery checks, a light if the end of trail is getting dark, virgins to confuse.

Trail: A–A

D'erections: Head east on Walnut St, go under Foothills Parkway, then go right when it dead-ends into parking lots.
Near 4750 Walnut St, Boulder, CO 80301
https://maps.google.com/maps?q=40.018257,-105.240113

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

[BH3] another frikin hash #749

What: another frikin hash

Where:
you will have to drive to this hash so keep that in mind
you will lose reception just around the time you think you are lost so write this down
the start is here:
25 Switzerland Trail
Boulder, CO 80302
40°01'30.2"N 105°25'29.6"W

D’erections: head west up Boulder canyon which is Canyon Dr.
you will cum in a tunnel (note the milage)
One mile past the tunnel, turn right on Sugarloaf Road (note milage)
At 4.8 miles, turn right on Sugarloaf Mountain Road and follow it to its end at the trailhead.
The road is bumpy but not too bad
Assume 30min from Boulder

When: Sept 26th
Time: 1:69!!
It is getting dark sooner

Who: Mach 1.Whore

Deets:
A to A’ bring a jacket for circle
You should wear orange, first because it is the best, also so you don’t get shot. There are ‘NO SHOOTING’ signs everywhere and if I know rednecks, that means there is lots of shooting.
Assume 6 miles of generally disliking this trail.
Dirt, woods, skree and general shiggy
There won’t be a turkey eagle split but something could easily be pieced together if necessary.
Bring waterbottle or camelback. I’ll drag a 30 rack to the middle of the woods but I ain’t bring you no water.

Pre-lube:
In order to minimize traffic and the number of people who need to be sober enough to drive down a mountain road there will be a prelube/carpool/caravan. Drivers don’t pay hash cash, their passengers will cover it.

Parking in the garage on 11th and Spruce

Beer and food at noonish at
Bohemian Biergarten
2017 13th St
Boulder, CO 80302

On After:
A few options
1. Never leave camp option: the hash is in National Forest so you can camp there
2. Convenient for Mach option: 28th St Tavern
3. Drink Brooke’s roommate’s friend’s cousin’s random keg of mysteries

Sunday, September 06, 2015

[BH3] G4 Memorial Hash - Friday!

BFHHH #359 (maybe?)

What: G4 Memorial Hash

Trail: A – A'

Hares: Chocolate Salty Balls & ProBoneMe (with much assistance from Yeast Infection, Pig Pimp, Pod, Muffet, the Green Pussy, and others)

When: Friday, September 11, 2015 at 6:30 pm

Pre-Lube: Odd 13 Brewing, 301 E. Simpson St, Lafayette

Where: Bob L. Burger Rec Center, 111 Baseline Rd, Lafayette

Hash Cash: $5

Theme: G4! Come in your favorite G4-related outfit, sci-fi costume, tutu, dress, or whatever. Or bring a bag of knitting. Or cover yourself in yarn like an over-caffeinated kitten. Or bring a Stanley thermos full of booze. Or drag along a shopping cart. Whatever makes you think of G4 is suitable.

Bring: Headlamps, drinking vessel, ID & money (just in case), anything that reminds you of G4, change of shoes & socks (just in case), a verse of MaƱana (Way Down in Barcelona…), your best singing voice, throat lozenges, and a donation for the Lafayette Humane Society, to be made in G4's honor. 

Dogs? No, at least not of the canine variety. 

Strollers? Yes, with or without child.

D'Erections: Consult the Google.

Lost or Lonely? Call ProBoneMe (303-885-9606), who might actually remember to turn the volume up on her phone.

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Thursday, August 27, 2015

BH3 # 748: The Golden Hash / Be Who You want To Be

What: 1/4 Cup of Cock's virgin lay (It's about time you lazy fuck!) The Golden Hash! Get your tukus in a car and drive down to Golden for something a little different. The theme is: Be Who You want To Be (AKA your best impression of 1/4 Cup of Cock). Not dog friendly or stroller friendly- leave them with grandma. Trail is A-A' This will surely be a complete shit show, not to be missed.

Who ('Da hares): 1/4 Cup of Cock featuring very special mystery guest hare (looking for volunteers)

When: 13:69 (Please note this hash is early for logistical purposes get there by 2 o'cock pm) Since it will likely be hot, please plan accordingly.

Where: 1253 Arapahoe St (a parking lot) https://goo.gl/maps/izN7S.

Hash Cash: Cinco Dolares ($5USD) more money for beer at on-after and on-more-after.

Bring: ID on trail (very important), sunblock, container to imbibe water, bikinis, change of shoes, personal flotation devices, spelunking torch, rubber cat suit, disdain for tourists, thirst for watching your girls in bikinis (Amber Alert), rattle snake anti-venom, dry sack for technology, geology hand lens, sex toys, Lithologic section of the Fox Hills Sandstone near Golden (http://pubs.usgs.gov/pp/0872/report.pdf), Beano's mom

On-After: We may have to be quick at the A' ending place but I figure there might be some opportunities to sample Golden's micro-brews.

Friday, August 21, 2015

Boulder BASH #2

What:  BASH #2   Boulder Hash #747
When:  Saturday 8/22 @ 5:69
Where:  World Famous Dark Horse Saloon
Hares:  Just Ben and HomoWrecker
Hash Cash:  $0 - Bring $ for trail


Trail: I don't know if this is hash #747 or 746.5 because we're doing it on an off-week, but join Just Ben and HomoWrecker for our second BASH. And since you were dumb enough to let me plan the route, I can guarantee the shittiest of trails will be laid. So cum one, cum all, cum all over Beano's mom. We'll be hitting a few disreputable locations along the way so keep that hash cash to yourself. More unnecessary details to follow. BRING: Virgins, bikes, virgin bikes, bike lights, virgin bike lights, Spandex, helmets and jimmy hats.


-Just Ben

Friday, August 14, 2015

BH3 #746 - Wizards of Woodstock Hash!

There will be a hash to commemorate two of the funkiest things that have ever happened on this Earth: Woodstock (8/15/1969) and the Wizard of Oz (8/15/1939). Wizards and hippies will unite for the first time in many years to run in a loop like idiots!

When: Saturday 8/15 @ 4:69 HST (5:09 pm)

Where: In front of SCARPA at Pearl Pkwy and Frontier Ave (opposite side of same building as Sanitas Brewery, near the train tracks) (https://www.google.com/maps/dir//40.0227288,-105.249016/@40.0226282,-105.2496275,18z) 

Pre-lube: Sanitas Brewing at 4ish

Hares: Two newbs: Just Jon and Just Savannah

Hash Cash: $5 or an equivalent in Judy Garland's personal poppy supply.

Bring: Wizards, hash, scare crows, tie-dye t-shirts, cowardly lions, boobs, free love, ruby slippers, poppy for days, shiggy socks, and a mellow attitude. (And costumes you wankers!)

Don't Bring: That Harry Potter costume. This isn't 2007.

Disclaimer: If anything goes wrong, blame the mis-management that concocted the idea to have two Just's hare their first trails together.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

[BH3] BH3 #745 - Yuppie Hash - Saturday 8/1 @ 5:15

Mark Twain once commented:
"Suppose you were shit, then suppose you were a yuppie. But I repeat myself."

There will also be a beer mile before this trail! So show up to laugh at all the racists. Or participate in one lap and then spew your brew all over them.Beer mile will feature ONLY the standard beverage of choice for such an event: BUDWEISER. Not bud light, not PBR, not Gennneeesssee, but BUD HEAVY.

What: Boulder Yuppie Ass Hash! (preceded by a beer mile!)
When: Saturday, August 1. 16:69
Where: Centennial Middle Skool
Hares: Poopsie Daisy (virgin lay!) and Self Service Truck Stop
Hash Cash: 5000 chedda
D' Erections: https://www.google.com/maps/place/Centennial+Middle+School/@40.0449855,-105.2680454,17z/data=!4m7!1m4!3m3!1s0x876beef51aab4c4b:0xae801c871cd7cfca!2sCentennial+Middle+School!3b1!3m1!1s0x876beef51aab4c4b:0xae801c871cd7cfca
Bring: Stuff.

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Tuesday, July 14, 2015

[BH3] BH3 #744 - It's a BASH!

What:  This Saturday's trail with be a Bash (aka Bike Hash, aka Boozy Boulder Bike Brewery and Bar Bacchanalia).  
When:  Saturday 7/18 @ 5:69 HST (6:09 pm)
Where:  Sanitas Brewery
Hares:  Amber Alert and Friends
Hash Cash:  $0
Bring:  A Bike!  Money and ID (since all the BN's will be breweries, distilleries, bars, or houses of ill-repute), shaved legs, other shaved body parts, hipster bike gear, cranium protectors and/or knee pads, and a blow-up sex doll so Brrrggghh can tell that New Orleans story for the 50th time.

OnOn!
-Amber Alert

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Saturday, July 04, 2015

BH3 #740: Happy Birthday America Hash

[Posted for All American Cumstain]

Good Afternoon,

To celebrate the glorious occasion of shooting a bunch of Red Coats and becoming the greatest nation on Earth, we will hash.  Wear your best red, white and blew so when you charge after me, it will look like a battle scene from The Patriot.

Hare(s): The only one capable of haring on the 4th, me [All American Cumstain].

When? 5:69pm.  Beano, there will be a trail to follow when you show up at 7:52.

Where? The South parking lot of Fairview High School (the one that is next to Greenbriar Road) because nothing is more American than drinking in a high school parking lot.  

Fairview High School
1515 Greenbriar Blvd
Boulder, CO 80305

Kids? Sure bring them, there should be plenty of beer.

Strollers? No, you can walk Amber and we all know it.

K69s? Only if they lick Peanut-butter off my balls.

What to bring: Hotdogs, baseball, apple pie and Chevrolet. Red, white and blue, muscle cars, 5 American dollars, ID to prove you are a real American and love for the greatest President of all time: Franklin Pierce 

What not to Bring: Anything made outside the USA.  Seriously, I will destroy it.

Also: There is a 4k at Avery that several racist hashers will be participating in.  Why do this to yourself?  All you can drink Avery beer afterwards with race entry.  Come see Amber bitch kick Beano down the final straightaway.

--
-AACS


Tuesday, June 30, 2015

5th Anal Boulder H3 Summer Campout

What
5th Anal Boulder H3 Summer Campout

When
Friday, July 10 to Sunday, July 12

Hash Cash
$20 to Weird Ball Yank-a-Dick. Before the campout, either send $20 to Weird.Ball.Yank.a.Dick@gmail.com through Paypal (https://www.paypal.com/myaccount/transfer/send) or hand him $20 cash (non-consecutive, unmarked bills).  Please put your hash name (and that of anyone whose rego you're paying for) in the Paypal notes.
Where

Lady Dayz will get out there early Friday morning in hopes to claim our desired site. If the desired site is not attained the website, Facebook and the email list will all be notified with the new GPS coordinates. Anyway you slice it, we will be along the same road, so follow the directions below.

D’erections
Last year we had some tough directions. This year, we are giving you all the info you can possibly handle in hopes that no one will get lost.

By Car
Here are the Google Maps directions. Also, save and/or print the attached image for when you inevitable lose service on your phone.

Making the strong assumption that you half-minds can find your way to I-70 West from wherever you are coming from, the directions are as follows:

  1. Head southwest on I-70 W
  2. Take exit 232 toward U.S. 40 E/Empire/Granby (drive for 0.3 mi)
  3. Continue onto US-40 W (drive for 3.5 mi)
  4. Slight right to stay on US-40 W (drive for 43.2 mi)
  5. Turn right onto US-34 E (drive for 9.5 mi)
  6. Turn left onto Co Hwy 4 (drive for 1.9 mi)
  7. Turn right to stay on Co Hwy 4 (drive for 1.1 mi)
  8. *Slight right onto Co Hwy 455/Kawuneeche Rd 120 (drive for 3.0 mi)
  9. Turn right when you see the sign and the campsite will be at the end of a single lane road about a quarter mile long.

*There is a tricky part, however. Step No. 8 on Google says Hwy 455 but, in real life, the sign for this road says 120 (Kawuneeche Rd 120). See the image below and when you reach this sign, bear right. Then just under 3 miles down the road is our site.

By Train
There is a train from Denver to Granby for $36 one way. You’ll have to arrange transportation from Granby to the campsite on your own.

By Foot
Ask Truck Stop.

Itinerary
Friday
All day: Arrival and insane drinking. Lady Dayz will be there early so come try to find him busting one out behind a tree he thinks no one is around.
Evening time: A hastily put together short Hash put together by whomever wants.
12 PM: Midnight Naked Hash #1

Saturday
All day: Insane drinking
3 PM: The main event Hash set by Self-Service Truck Stop, Mach 1.Whore, Brrrggghhhhhh
12 PM: Midnight Naked Hash #2

Sunday
Morning: Cleanup, finish off the beer, awards for the most unforeseen hookup and most creative pubic hair, insane drinking.

What's this all about
Like previous years this will be wilderness car camping. That means bring a poop shovel and a distaste for cleanliness in general. Also bring anything beyond beer that you need to keep you alive for the weekend.

What you get
  • All the (good) beer you can drink! That's right, no schwag beer this year!
  • Unlimited viewings of Weird Ball's weird balls
  • Naked fire jumping
  • Hashing
  • Lost pants
  • No jokes about sleeping with Beano's mom
  • Just kidding
  • Lack of communication with the outside world
  • So many boobs


Thursday, June 18, 2015

[BH3] Ask and you shall receive (...a day late)

What: A hash
When: Saturday 20 Jun @ 1800 (that's 5:69 pm or 5:00 pm Beano Time)
Where: Arapahoe Ridge Park
Hares: Beano and Lady Dayz(?)
Hash Cash: 5 intergalactic credits
Bring: Your enthusiasm for mud and a mild tolerance for sheit beer
Trail: Alpha - Zulu Warrior
D'Erections: Arapahoe Ridge Park near Eisenhower Middle School on Eisenhower. Take the road there and park at it then drink.
or follow this nifty link:
--
ON ON
Beano

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Thursday, June 11, 2015

[BH3] Dust Off That Pretty Dress

SATURDAY, SATurday, Saturday,

WHAT: Denver Red Dress 
WHEN: June 13th, 2:00 (14:00)
WHERE: Cap City Tavern, 1247 Bannock Street, Denver
PRE-LUBE: Cap City Tavern, 1:00 (13:00)
SUPERHERO TEAM OF HARES: Pump Me Harder, What's My Name BITCH, 2 If By Gay Socks One If By Cowboy Hat, Pig Pimp, Bumper Humper, Ass Whisperer, and Twisted Pirate Porn.
HASH CASH: $15
BRING: Red Dress, Hash Cash, A Thirst for Beer, Your ID.
ON-AFTER: You will be dressed in your best so let's continue the party into the evening.


On-On
AW

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Wednesday, May 27, 2015

[BH3] Denver Red Dress June 13th

You went on a diet for almost 4 hours in preparation for this day. The time has finally cum for you to squeeze into that sexy red dress and show the world that awesome body fabricated by beer.

WHAT: Denver Red Dress 

WHEN: June 13th, 2:00 (14:00)

WHERE: Cap City Tavern, 1247 Bannock Street, Denver


PRE-LUBE: Cap City Tavern, 1:00 (13:00)

SUPERHERO TEAM OF HARES: Pump Me Harder, What's My Name BITCH, 2 If By Gay Socks One If By Cowboy Hat, Pig Pimp, Bumper Humper, Ass Whisperer, and Twisted Pirate Porn.

HASH CASH: $15

BRING: Red Dress, Hash Cash, A Thirst for Beer, Your ID.

ON-AFTER: You will be dressed in your best so let's continue the party into the evening.

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Wednesday, May 20, 2015

3rd Anal Toga/Bolder Boulder/Memorial Day Hash


What: 3rd Anal Toga/Bolder Boulder/Memorial Day Hash

It's Memorial Day and the day of the Bolder Boulder. We will annoy/enthral the tail end of the Bolder Boulder as we zigzag through sections of the course, drink beer, and tuck boners.

Afterwards, we will grill, drink, and nibble on the most decadent foods and beverages of all the land. So bring a dish, or bag of cheesy puffs, to pass and plenty of beer to sustain a drunken demeanor through the mid to late afternoon hours.

When: 9am on Monday, May 25 (Memorial Day). This will give any racists plenty of time to compete in their r*nning sports competition. If you have any worries about that start time, they will be alleviated by drinking a beer from someone's butt crack.

Where: Howard Heuston  Park (same place as last year) 3200 34th St.

Hares: Liza's Lady Dayz and his game-day decision co-Hare.

Bring: A really sexy toga, your really sexy sister, virgins, beers and other alcohols, weed and other hallucinogens, food and other things for your mouth, sex toys, a thorough understanding of the ghastly social issues that plagued the rapid industrialization of a young nation, not only in Chicago's meatpacking district, but most major cities worldwide during the Industrial Revolution and the many regions that have experienced shockingly similar socio-economic woes in the century since as their developing nations aspire to attain economic and financial stability spearheaded by increased automation and production abilities depicted in Upton Sinclair's 1906 novel The Jungle, a big black dildo, Polaroids of Dr. Beano's Mom.

Hash Cash: $5 for the Hash. Please bring additional beer and food as this will be a long day and I am hella poor so cannot provide much more than the simple pleasures of my sad looking penis.

D'Erections: We'll be on the grass somewhere art Howard Heuston Park. Look for street parking--you should be able to park on 34th street; take Foothills to Valmont (going west) then right/north on 34th. The Bolder Boulder may interfere with other routes to the park: check the official route to know where you have to drive around, or better yet just bike or walk there.

Contact: Did you take some chances with some sweet young recent CU grad--that I didn't sleep with--after the Bolder Boulder out behind Folsom Field and are now running late to the Hash? (e.g. Plan B)

Get lost on trail after chatting up a much older woman wearing Shape-ups walking the Bolder Boulder who you end up porking in a race-provided urinal and then realizing she does a lot of butt stuff--to your butt--during sex and would like to quickly find the next beer check to either forget or reminisce about the memories you just made? (e.g. POD)

Ever thought Cum Stain might be a good lay and then realize how ridiculous and hysterical that thought is so you give me a call to discuss then maybe we do some butt stuff to POD? (e.g. Anyone with half a mind)

There are a variety of reasons you may need/want to contact me. My number is 585-687-8552 and I will bring my phone on trail and check it at beer checks.

Additional Note: As you all know, this is a toga themed Hash. So there will inevitably be a lot of Animal House references. So, I took Bluto's (Jim Belushi) famous speech from the movie and edited it to reflect the Boulder Hash House Harriers. Because it's a Wednesday morning and why do my job when I can spend two hours on a Hash announcement no one will read? Enjoy you sorry sacks of shit.


Wednesday, May 06, 2015

BH3 #736: Yo Momma's Day Eve

What: While the CU students are leaving, Mother's Day is cumming up. Yo momma's so special, you'd better run around and start drinking the day before…
When: Saturday May 9th, 1:69 PM
Where: North Boulder Park
Hares: Just Greg and Weird Ball Yank-a-Dick
Trail: A–A'
Hash Cash: $5
Bring: Jackets and dry clothes (rain is forecast), a bouquet of flowers, the hashshit, a mortar board cap, whistles, virgins, your mother, Beano's mom…
Dogs: Should be fine.
Contact: Just Greg: 303-503-4434, Weird Ball: 303-717-7994
D'Erections: Parking lot at the NE corner of the park, Dellwood and 7th, near picnic tables and the picnic shelter. https://goo.gl/maps/egIa7

Thursday, April 23, 2015

BH3 #735


Boulder Hash #735!

When: Saturday, April 25th @ 2:30
Where: 4016 26th, Boulder,Co. park at the elks club please!
What: just trust me. aha ha ha
Hares: Johnny Brawsome, Just John ( 2 by1?), and Cockbuster!
Trail: A to A
Hash cash:5 dolla make ya holla
On-after: Planning a fire and BBQ things at my place!
Info: Brawsome 253-359-0589

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Boulder Hash #633.69 - Monday 4/20 - Cockchester's Favorite Hash

What: Cockchester is calling a Safety Meeting! In other words, let's have a hash to celebrate 4/20 in this glorious state.

When: 4/20 @ 5:69

Where: The Outback Saloon

Hash Cash: $5

Trail: A-A

Bring: A light and a lighter, a spliff, a blunt, a bowl, all the bongs ( and dongs), edibles, tinctures, Beano's mom, hairy vaginas (like Beano's mom's), and vagrants.

Wear: green things, dreads, and that stupid fucking baja shirt from the carnival.



OnOn!
Cockchester

Thursday, April 09, 2015

BH3 #733 - Boulder B-Team Hash! 4/11 @ 2:00

When the alphas are away, the betas will play! This Saturday, get your ass down to the <strike>gangbang</strike> Boulder B-Team Hash!

Half the kennel is out in Phoenix prancing around in lady clothes. That means more lady clothes for us! Ever wonder what happens when the hounds catch the hares? Prepare to chase the slowest hares this side of a rabbit meat farm. Then, prepare to be disappointed as they successfully elude you using underhanded tactics worthy of Wyle E Coyote.

Come dressed as a shitty version of your favorite A-Team member. Suggestions: Hannibal Burress, Howlin' Mad Rupert Murdock, Templeton (Face Time) Pecker, Lactaid, Yellow Alert, Rochester, Wierd Al Yankovich, R U Coming Over for Dinner To Meet My Mom, Liza's Sweet 16, Self-Service Gas Station, Pippi Longstockings, Mustang Mach 1, or BO Baracus.

Where:
Marshall Mesa Trailhead
5258 Eldorado Springs Dr
Boulder, CO 80303

Pre-lube at the trailhead from the mouth of Neil.
On-after at your house. Better tidy up!

Parking is free for vehicles registered in Boulder County. There's also a bus stop within wanking distance. (No, Cockchester, not -that- bus stop.)

When:
2pm MDT Saturday April 11th 2015 C.E.

Hares:
He Who Shall Not Be Named (a.k.a. Just Barry) & Goats Gone Wild

Trail:
A to A' to A
Rocks, dirt, rude mountain bikers, and snakes. Uphill both ways. Dogs are allowed in the park, but we may encounter cows, cactus, and did I mention snakes?
https://bouldercolorado.gov/osmp/marshall-mesa-trailhead

Bring:
$5, virgins, bird-watching guide, wilderness survival kit, hare-spotting binoculars, snake bite kit, your knee and ankle brace, inhaler, water for your dog ... I don't know, you all seem to show up to these things more prepared than I, so I'm sure you know what you'll need.

You can call Just Barry at 720-971-4049 if you get lost. Leave an angry message if nobody answers. On On!

[BH3] BH3 #733 - Boulder B-Team Hash! 4/11 @ 2:00

When the alphas are away, the betas will play! This Saturday, get your ass down to the <strike>gangbang</strike> Boulder B-Team Hash!

Half the kennel is out in Phoenix prancing around in lady clothes. That means more lady clothes for us! Ever wonder what happens when the hounds catch the hares? Prepare to chase the slowest hares this side of a rabbit meat farm. Then, prepare to be disappointed as they successfully elude you using underhanded tactics worthy of Wyle E Coyote.

Come dressed as a shitty version of your favorite A-Team member. Suggestions: Hannibal Burress, Howlin' Mad Rupert Murdock, Templeton (Face Time) Pecker, Lactaid, Yellow Alert, Rochester, Wierd Al Yankovich, R U Coming Over for Dinner To Meet My Mom, Liza's Sweet 16, Self-Service Gas Station, Pippi Longstockings, Mustang Mach 1, or BO Baracus.

Where: 
Marshall Mesa Trailhead
5258 Eldorado Springs Dr
Boulder, CO 80303

Pre-lube at the trailhead from the mouth of Neil.
On-after at your house. Better tidy up!

Parking is free for vehicles registered in Boulder County. There's also a bus stop within wanking distance. (No, Cockchester, not -that- bus stop.)

When:
2pm MDT Saturday April 11th 2015 C.E.

Hares:
He Who Shall Not Be Named (a.k.a. Just Barry) & Goats Gone Wild

Trail:
A to A' to A
Rocks, dirt, rude mountain bikers, and snakes. Uphill both ways. Dogs are allowed in the park, but we may encounter cows, cactus, and did I mention snakes? 
https://bouldercolorado.gov/osmp/marshall-mesa-trailhead

Bring:
$5, virgins, bird-watching guide, wilderness survival kit, hare-spotting binoculars, snake bite kit, your knee and ankle brace, inhaler, water for your dog ... I don't know, you all seem to show up to these things more prepared than I, so I'm sure you know what you'll need.

You can call Just Barry at 720-971-4049 if you get lost. Leave an angry message if nobody answers. On On!

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Wednesday, March 25, 2015

BH3 #732 - Saturday 3/28 @ 1:69

What:  It's a Hash!  It's Boulder Hash #732.  Y'all should know what to expect from Amber and Cockchester by now.  Ten mile pavement pounder, no boob checks, high quality beer, etc...
When:  Saturday 3/28 @ 1:69 HST (aka 2:09pm)
Where:  Oskar Blues, Lyons
Hares:  Amber Alert and Cockchester
Hash Cash:  $5
Bring: The Hashshit (reminder to self), ass scars from Holidaze, whistles, virgins, virgins, shag bags, and a strong desire to hare a future trail.
Trail:  A-B
Dog/Stroller Friendly:  Adventure seeking dogs perhaps.  Leave the one-eyed chihuahuas at home.
D'Erections:  Click that linky thing above

OnOn!
Amber

BH3 #732 - Saturday 3/28 @ 1:69

What:  It's a Hash!  It's Boulder Hash #732.  Y'all should know what to expect from Amber and Cockchester by now.  Ten mile pavement pounder, no boob checks, high quality beer, etc...
When:  Saturday 3/28 @ 1:69 HST (aka 2:09pm)
Where:  Oskar Blues, Lyons
Hares:  Amber Alert and Cockchester
Hash Cash:  $5
Bring: The Hashshit (reminder to self), ass scars from Holidaze, whistles, virgins, virgins, shag bags, and a strong desire to hare a future trail.
Trail:  A-B
Dog/Stroller Friendly:  Adventure seeking dogs perhaps.  Leave the one-eyed chihuahuas at home.
D'Erections:  Click that linky thing above

OnOn!
Amber


Wednesday, March 11, 2015

BH3 #730 - Frozen Dead Hash - 3/15 @ 2pm


Frozen Dead Hash


Where: Nederland, CO (straight up Boulder Canyon)
meet at the Carasel of happiness, Carosil of happiness, corisal of happiness, caraway of happiness, parsal of happiness, karisil of happiness, korsica of happiness, carousal of happiness, arousal of happiness, boobs of happiness
!!CAROUSEL OF HAPPINESS!!
whomever decided on the spelling of that word is my mortal enemy

Transportation: Take the bus YO.  It leaves at 12:10 from Boulder Transit Center and gets you to Ned at 1.  Enough time to grab a beer and wonder over to the circle of skewered animals.  Or come earlier to enjoy all the revelry of Frozen Dead Guy Days.

Hare: Mach 1.Whore

Cash: $5

Bring: vessel, hat, a lock of Beano's beard hair for good luck

Trail: A-Bish, no idea, we might be on a lake at some point though

Monday, March 09, 2015

Boulder H3 Green Dress Hash! - 3/17 @ 5:69


What:  Boulder's Anal St. Patty's Day Green Dress Hash
When:  3/17 - Tuesday - St. Patrick's Day @ 5:69 HST (6:09 MST)
Where:  The Attic - 949 Walnut St, Boulder - Upstairs
Hares:  Amber Alert and Cockchester
Hash Cash:  5 Dolla
Bring:  Your sexy self poured into a GREEN DRESS!  Virgins, fleshlights, freckled Irish boobs, a wicked thirst, shag bag, and born again virgins. 
Trail:  A-B.  An actual hash containing no shiggy, no boob or package checks, no beer, no irish car bombs, no Pearl St. song checks, and definitely no lying goddamed hares!
Dog Friendly:  Have you seen  all the things prohibited on Pearl St.?
Lost/Lonely?:  txt amber @ 5857508922

OnOn!
Amber and Cockchester


[BH3] Boulder H3 Green Dress Hash! - 3/17 @ 5:69

What:  Boulder's Anal St. Patty's Day Green Dress Hash
When:  3/17 - Tuesday - St. Patrick's Day @ 5:69 HST (6:09 MST)
Where:  The Attic - 949 Walnut St, Boulder - Upstairs
Hares:  Amber Alert and Cockchester
Hash Cash:  5 Dolla
Bring:  Your sexy self poured into a GREEN DRESS!  Virgins, fleshlights, freckled Irish boobs, a wicked thirst, shag bag, and born again virgins. 
Trail:  A-B.  An actual hash containing no shiggy, no boob or package checks, no beer, no irish car bombs, no Pearl St. song checks, and definitely no lying goddamed hares!
Dog Friendly:  Have you seen  all the things prohibited on Pearl St.?
Lost/Lonely?:  txt amber @ 5857508922

OnOn!
Amber and Cockchester

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Wednesday, February 25, 2015

BH3 #729 - Saturday 2/28 @ 2:00


Boulder Hash #729

When: Sat, Feb 28. 2 pm

Start : Bob Berger Rec Center, Lafayette, Co. back lot, the pavillion by the skate rink.

Bring $5, cash and ID, shag bag, virgins

Hares: Muffet and Pod

Monday, February 23, 2015

[BH3] Impromptu Boulder Hash House Sledders #420-69

What: Impromptu sledding  because snow and Monday and alcohol 

When: Monday Monday MONDAY (tonight) at 8PM

Where: Tantra Park (at the 50 Shades of Grey VD Hash there was a Franzia check at the top of a hill, that is where we shall sleds)

Hares: Just Sled 

Hash Cash: No money because this is not a real Hash, BYOJD

Bring: Sleds, winter warmie clothes, flasks of hot whiskey, jars of hot whiskey, jugs of hot whiskey, your own booze, an appetite for speed, a disdain for children and school nights, easily accessible breasts/genitalia, mittens

Trail: A to B (A will be the top of the hill, you will drink; B will be the bottom of the hill, you will drink)

Dog/Stroller Friendly: Ummm, ever heard of a Dog Sled?

On-After: ONE OF THE SUNS FOR A HEARTY WARM STOUT!!!!

D'Erections: I'd say park in the back of the parking lot of the Cornerstone Church of Boulder Valley off of Broadway. It is technically on Lashley which runs parallel to Broadway and you can access that street by turning off Broadway at Hanover. The Skip will get you to across the street. Then you can walk about 100 feet through the little trail and through the fence to the top of the sledding hill. 

On-On! 
Lady

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Sunday, February 15, 2015

[BH3] Mardi Gracias Hash: Fat Tuesday!! 2/17

What: It's the last party before Lent!! It's also a Tuesday night hash celebrating Mardi Gras, Boobies, King Cake, New Orleans, Beer, and Virgins, all with a Mexican twist. 
When: This Tuesday, February 17th at 6:30pm. 
Where: Start location is the top of the parking garage on 11th and Spruce. There will be a quick circle but the end location is Bohemian Biergarten. Park your bicycles and motor cars accordingly. 
Hares: Miss Pippi Dong Stalker
Hash Cash: $5, with a bit of additional scrilla if you want to party all night long
Bring: Motha effing beads!! Pasties, NOLA spirit, Margarita glasses, sombreros, a poncho, clothing in the color family of purple/green/gold, homemade parade floats, HEAD LAMPS, yes, head. (Google "Mardi Gras New Orleans" for inspiration.) Bing proof you are 21 or older.
Trail: A-Aish, Aish not Amish. 
Dog/Stroller: The trail will be pup and kiddie friendly, for the most part, but every bar will refuse their entrance. My suggestion is leave the little friends at home. 
Hash Crash: You might get lucky. ;)
D'erections: 2028 11th Street Boulder, CO 80302

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Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Hash This Saturday 2/14


Shades of Grey Hash (Hashing on VD to get a VD)

You wanted a valentine's day themed hash, eh?  Well fuck you and your lame ass holiday.  This is hashing.  Bring nipple clamps, butt plugs (Cockchester we know you have one), fine leather, that dildo sword from 7even, anything S&M that will get stares.

 

Who Dat?: In keeping up with a great VD tradition, All American Cum Stain will do it all by himself.  To make sure I feel the love, I will masturbate vigorously at (on) each beer check. 

 

Where dat?: Southern Bum (Southern Sun).  Apparently it is stout month where they serve beer that is not Coors Light.  Although I do not approve of this tradition, I understand others do.  Get your good beer in because I am buying beer for the hash (can you say malt liquor?)

 

When dat?: 1:69 lol (joke never gets old) on 02/14/2015 (three suns from now).

 

Trail dat?: A to A'.  Considering I have no idea where the trail is going yet, dogs, small children, sex slaves, real slaves and fetuses should be fine.  Trail will rate a 24 on the difficulty scale.  End of trail will be in a much less crowded parking lot because we will be dressed in leather singing songs about raping dead people.

 

Bring dat?: ID, skrilla, whips, chains, (anything in that Rhianna song), favorite Toto album, change of clothes, safe word, unwashed sex toys, repressed childhood memories that manifested in weird sexual fetishes, poll tax, $5 checks made out to "Mr. All American Cum Stain" and the hashit. 

 

Also dat: There will be a special surprise for the FRB and DFL at each beer check.  The surprise will be revealed at the beginning of the hash.  And yes, it took the guy with "American" in his name to turn the hash racist.


Thursday, January 29, 2015

Fwd: [BH3] The hash goes on a panty raid

What: Imagine you were Amber Alert running through a preschool playground…or Amber any day of the week. Now imagine you're running through that same schoolyard, but all the children are of legal age! That fantasy is precisely what Saturday's trail will provide. We can sure as sh*t promise you won't get any smarter, and at least you can re-live those college days without the debt accumulation.


When: Saturday, 1/31 1:69


Professors: Mach 1.Whore, Self Service Truck Stop


Trail: Parking complex on east side of CU campus where Colorado and 28th St intersect. https://goo.gl/maps/KOGwt


Hash Cash: $5 worth of extra credit


What to bring: Clothing for typical CO winter weather, babes, lots and lots of roofalin, whatever the cool kids are doing, burn those damn Jack Johnson cd's, deadly hazing rituals, Beano's Mom's pie (you know what pie I'm talkin' about, ahhh yeaaaaa)


On After: Darkhoarse


D'Erections: Going west on Colorado Ave. Make a left turn on Regent Dr. and turn into the parking lot. You will see a tall parking structure. Go in it. We will be either on the top level or one lower depending on weather conditions.


Call 310-200-0330 if you get lost or if you're looking for a good time.


Wednesday, January 21, 2015

[BH3] BH3 Trail #726 - Burns Night Hash

What: January 25th is the birthday of Robert Burns, the famous 18th century Scottish poet, and is the day for Burns Night celebrations in honor of his life, poetry and songs (he wrote "Auld Lang Syne", among many others). So let's celebrate by running a trail in kilts, drinking some of the finest cheap scotch (or cheapest fine scotch?), and eating some Scottish food while singing songs in circle. I'm probably not going to bother finding a sheep's stomach, heart, and lungs for a haggis though. There will also be beer.


When: Sunday (not Saturday), January 25th, 1:69 PM (you know, a bit after 2)

Hares: Weird Ball MacYank-a-Dick and R.U. Cummingtonite

Where: Upslope's old Lee Hill taproom in North Boulder.

Trail: A–A'

Hash Cash: $5

Bring: A Scottish kilt, a song for Robbie Burns, a thirst for whisky, your favorite sheep, dry shoes.

On-After / Pre-lube: Come early and enjoy a warm-up pint at Upslope while we gather, and after circle we can head back inside for an on-after drink somewhere warm.

D'Erections: Upslope's Lee Hill taproom
1501 Lee Hill Road N20 / Boulder, CO
Off Lee Hill Dr, between Broadway and 28th St

It's easy to bus there: just take the Skip to the end of the line by the Bustop, then cross Broadway.

https://goo.gl/maps/LhlT4

Lost on trail, looking for the hares, or just wondering if it's whisky or whiskey? Call Weird Ball at 303.717.7994.

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Wednesday, January 14, 2015

BH3 Trail #725 - The January 17th Hash

Ok wankers. Time to shake off your Holidaze blues and get your arses to this Saturday's trail.

Ingenious title:  The January 17th Hash.

Cum as yourself.

Start time:  1:69 pm.

Hash cash:  5 Doll Hairs

Location: FATE Brewing Co. 1600 38th Street, Boulder.

Food served til 10. The managers are expecting us to give a public toast to Beano's mom.

A to A prime.

You know the drill....bring your change of clothing, best sex magazines, and your singing voice for circle.

On on,

Liza Lady Days/Beano's mom's pimp
Brrrrgggggghhhhhhhh/Skittles

Monday, January 05, 2015

HOLIDAZE Updates

Here's some of the latest info on Holidaze from our Facebook page.  It's highly advised that you join the Event there to get any news or last minute info.

Especially note to part below about how you will get lost and laughed at if you just put "Golden Gate Canyon State Park" in your GPS.


From Muffet:


Its here wankers! Kegs tapped at 3pm.
Schedule: Friday 7pm PAJAMA Cabin Crawl. Wear you finest bedtime apparel and have your cabin prepared to host a beverage stop for the roving band of hashers.
Hares: pickup style

Sat: 11:30 am trail.
Hares: Mach and Pippi
Circle
After circle: potluck dinner, be prepared with a dish to pass in your own cabins, go visit your neighbors and eat their food.
7pm: get rid of your shitty white elephant gifts from last Holidaze by re-gifting them at this years White Elephant


Midnight Nekkid Hash in FIVE MINUTES!!!

sunday - outta camp by noon.

Bring: cash if y haven't paid, virgins, warm clothes, your own food and bedding, anybodys mom other then Beanos, I think shes been rode hard and put out wet by the hash by now.

On-on to Holidaze!!
Muffet


From Mach:

Pippi and I went scouting yesterday, partly because every other year as hounds we have been too drunk to remember what trail looked like. Here are some tips:
Directions: look them up before hand, don't just type golden gate canyon state park into google, you will be led astray. Remember you want Reverends Ridge Campground area. HWY 119 to Gap Rd.
Conditions: road was passable to most any type of vehicle, roads are snow covered but not bad. Things got windy and sketchy in places.


It was cold but the wind is what was most annoying, maybe bring a jacket.

If you see a moose, you are probably on trail.

Gaiters are recommended because you will be tromping through a lot of snow. They don't have to be fancy, any redneck solution will work. Snow shoes might be excessive but traction devices never hurt.

Signage will say that only 3.2% beer is allowed. Don't flaunt you booze and respect the rangers and we should be fine.

TIME: 11:30AM. we want to try and make trail happen as early as possible because the wind picks up in the afternoon and things get shitty.

Also Bring a vessel.

Watch out for wessels, they are small and crafty, the best thing is to poop outside your cabin, it seems to keep them away.

Carpool: any vehicle in the park will need a $7 day pass for each day (7*3=$21). If you frequent said parks go online and get an annual pass for $70, or any other place that sells them.

There is little to no cell reception. Communicate before hand. If you are trying to contact someone that is already up there, your best bet is to send a raven.